It's All Relative

It's that time of year again, The Holidays. And for most expats this brings inevitable homesickness. For me it always begins with Thanksgiving as that weekend is the anniversary of the tragic death of my cousin, her fiance, and his 3 year old daughter in a plane crash. I was set to be her maid of honor the following March. The anniversary on top of being alone for such a family oriented holiday always makes me a bit pathetic. Those of you who know me, and have lived with me abroad know this is not something that happens often. I am human afterall, and given the lifestyle I have chosen it's inevitable. No one ever said this was easy. This past week I have been missing my family just wishing I could sleep on their couch and live out of a suitcase from a trailer. I promised myself when I was home I would not wish my time away for this exact reason. That feeling where you would do just about anything to see them (and their kitties too). The good news is this always passes. As time goes on I find myself wondering if I will ever feel guilty for this time in my life I have spent on another coninent. My friends and family are nothing but supportive and it is only my own guilt that comes into play, no one is forcing it upon me. This is who I am and I recognize how lucky I am to have people in my life who love me enough to let me live this very selfish and independent life with no guilt trips. I am missing weddings, and births, and engagements, and birthdays yet not one person close to me has ever made me feel bad for that (but I do anyways, of course). This year Novemeber 27th marked the 7 year anniversary of the loss of Heather and her family. Whoever said "time heals all wounds" is full of it, that is not always the case. For whatever reason this year was a particularly difficult one for me to endure. It's not just because I am away from home as it was the same situation this time last year in Thailand. I guess it just hits hard sometimes. Thanksgiving day here I was feeling particularly down. I had an incident with my boss that day and felt like I had been hit by an emotional truck. That afternoon I had to go get my Alien Card from immigration. On my way home an old woman sat next to me on the subway. We got to talking and I came to find out she was 74, married for 50 years, and quite spry. She had studied English at multiple Universities and told me how pretty I was along with asking me why I wasn't married. 3 times. This was the first time a stranger on the metro had taken up a conversation with me. She was very kind and little did she know how much I needed it at that very moment. Her name is Mrs. Kim and she even took down my phone number as I got off the train. I haven't heard from her yet, but I hope I do so I can thank her for her kind words. This has all had me thinking a lot about time. I will try not to get too philosophical on you, but recognizing these days like Thanksgiving and Heather's day made me realize that time is all relative. I felt like a train wreck on Novemeber 22nd, and Novemeber 27th. For my relatives back home it was stil the 21st and 26th. They felt these things the following day. Each year passes and we recognize birthdays, anniversaries, holidays on a given day but when you live on another continent that reality is different for you. I suppose if you are a glass half full type you can look at it like I get two Christmas's and two birthday's each year. For the harder stuff I chose to keep it limited to just that one day if possible. Turns out regardless of the time zone we are in it doesn't make any of those feelings any less real, and sometimes you have to face the fact that even going half way across the world will not outrun the things you will always carry with you.

You Know You Live in Korea When:

I have become very aware of the fact that being an expat in Korea comes with a completely different lifestyle than that I have led in other countries, which were also much smaller cities. There is always an invite, something to do or see, and you are constantly meeting new people. It is a ton of fun but sometimes feels like a transport back into University. You attend work with the same people everyday (just like class), walking to and from together. You eat all your meals together and live in the same building which instantly feels like a dorm. "Hey wanna get food?" "Sure just come down to my room." Then there's that sudden realization one day: Oh wait, I am 27 years old and this only sort of feels like reality. Immediately followed by "I am having too much fun to care." Plus someone else is paying for my apartment and I am making great money, instead of taking out 30 grand in student loans. The party scene here is reminiscent of my time in Spain. A night out can easily turn into not going home until 5 or 6 am. I am not even talking ridiculous night clubs in Seoul. More like a group of us in Ilsan dancing like idiots to 80s/90s music, (Michael Jackson's "PYT" along with Next "Too Close" are common favs) till we realize McDonalds just opened for breakfast and its probably time to go home. The great thing is aside from the party scene there is so much to do and see. I have recently gotten involved with a group called PLUR who does various projects to help the homeless in and around Seoul. On Sunday nights I have joined a group that walks around and gives out food. There are over 1 million homeless people in the city and it is a significant social issue. Most of them are old and many have mental disorders. There is a lack of retirement support or what we would call social security and most of them are made up of the population that fell through the cracks with no family to take care of them, or services to help with their mental health. It seems like there is always a festival or free cultural event going on somewhere and this place is so huge that the possibilities to explore seem endless. Have I mentioned how many skylines this place has?! Ilsan is starting to feel like home and I really love it here. We have our regular spots where people know who you are, and wave to you as you walk by, even though you've never exchanged more than hello, thank you, and goodbye in Korean. Literally across the street from my apartment building is a mall with an imax theater (which I have not been to yet, go figure). Anything you could possibly need is available which is beyond convenient. Dangerous too. Koreans dress very well. Sometimes they also dress ridiculous, and I love it. Sweater leggings? Fuzzy hoodies with bear ears sewn in? Mittens with strings? A reindeer sweater?! YES PLEASE. The latter I could not resist. I needed some socks so I bought a few pairs for a buck. They have chickens on them with some writing in Korean. I wore them to school only to find out the writing is the equivelent of "sexy moaning" in korean. WIN. I finally got a real paycheck for the first time since last June which felt great. My apartment has come together nicely with bits and pieces from people leaving and a few very frugal purchases on my part. I hardly recognize it from a month ago and it feels like my own little home. All in all things are good and this girl is loving it. So the moral of the story is: You know you live in Korea when you are happy to wear moaning chicken socks, reindeer sweaters and dance to MJ till 6 am.

A Little Bit of Culture Shock

It's been one month since I arrived and things have not gone the way I anticipated. Korea is not like I thought it would be but then again I don't really know what I expected. Maybe it was the 6 months of anticipation? I suppose I had this idea that it would be just like any big city transplanted into Asia. It's definitely not like anywhere I have seen before so its hard to explain as I have nothing to compare it to. It is on the biggest scale imaginable. How many skylines can one place have?! I am fairly certain that my first few weeks were filled with some serious culture shock, something I have never experienced upon arrival in a new country. When I first moved to Thailand I was lonely but it was somehow easier as I was so enchanted with my surroundings. Here it is the opposite, I already knew, and have met lots of great people in the city, (and one not so great, but it happens), but was miserable the first few weeks. School also took some getting used to. Things are very chaotic and different than any teaching job I have held. Now that I am getting the hang of it things are much better. I am getting used to the fact that there are no garbage cans, anywhere, and gas mask stations in the subway. The thing is there are about 20 at each so I would more likely die from the mob than the actual gas attack. I suppose these are the Korean equivalent of an old wives tail but believed by many nonetheless: If rain touches your head your hair will fall out, and if you fall asleep with a fan on you will die. One of the first things that struck me was how quick people are to pop off (yea like Jersey). The whole people yelling at strangers thing took some getting used to as Thailand is the extreme opposite. I have gone through the ringer with my washing machine. It is finally being fixed after 6 weeks and quite a few ruined clothes along with a lovely little flood in my apartment. I wasn't greeted with an actual bed and slept on a foam pad on the floor for the first month averaging about 4 hours of sleep per night. Oh yes and I have been to the doctor like five times for everything from digestive issues to a gnarly cough. So here's the good news... It's like a switch flipped and I found my groove. I am finding Korean people lovely and endearing now that I understand them a little better. I know what's going on at school about 86% of the time, and my surroundings are becoming familiar enough that its starting to feel like a home. I really like Korean food too but miss things like green chiles and mac n cheese. Adventures are also good and exploring makes me feel better. The first month of a transition is always the hardest, but this was a doozy.

Toto We're Not in Thailand Anymore

It has been a week since my arrival in Korea. I am not sure I was prepared for how different it is than anywhere else I have lived. The travel portion went smoothly and I was immediately thrown into working the next day. This proved to be welcome as my apartment contains only a mat on the floor, no internet, cable, or TV for that matter. After 3 days at school I got the next 6 days off for Korean Thanksgiving. Luckily I do know a few people in the city and made a friend from school who has been really good to me. A description of this place is still not something I can put into words at this point. I can say however, that I am a lot more overwhelmed by Seoul than I expected. Over 10.5 million people! Its nuts. The level of modernization was so quick it seems that society as a whole hasn't quite caught up. The juxtaposition of uber modern meets traditional is incredible. Again I don't really know how to articulate this any further. The cost of living seems to be on par with America and they looove their tech gadgets. I went to get a phone and ended up with a used Galaxy, it's really a  nice phone. The people in the shop all lined up at the counter to help me and we made lots of hand gestures. As soon as they discovered my new tablet it was promptly taken for a game of Angry Birds Space. A sales guy brought me a mango soda. They were delightful although no English was exchanged. At school my hair has been the major topic. The kids keep asking me why my hair is light and my eyes are blue. They are so curious. Some of them smell me. The last day before break a few teachers asked if they could touch it and likened it to "Barbie Doll Hair." Funny thing is I have been to multiple countries where its noticed, but not to this extent. It's a little much sometimes as I am not big on being the center of attention but I understand the natural curiosity that comes with foreigners who look so different. People stare at me constantly, but I will take it over being called "Falang" all the time.  So far I have gotten to know my home area of Ilsan, had a few subway excursions, and seen the inside of lots of bars. It's amazing how even a well traveled westerner can still be completely overwhelmed by a new place. I am missing the comforts of having a home, and this vagabond lifestyle makes those fleeting. The locals are perfectly kind but I have noticed they do not smile the same as Thais or Oregonians. So far if I ask for help from a stranger, I shall receive, but the overall demeanor is more subdued. It's not good or bad, it just is. I appreciate the directness but still feel I have a lot to learn. As this first week comes to a close I am very aware of how whelmed I am, not over or under, but just so. I am longing for the familiarity of Thailand and home but excited to continue on this new journey.

Transitions

The Anticipation: A new city and a new job in one of the largest cities in the world, with endless possibilities. Mentally I am there. Physically however I am in Portland, Oregon for twice as long as originally planned. Consciously I am trying not to wish this time away because I know there will come a time where I would give anything to just be home. Living abroad is the lifestyle I have chosen but that does not change the fact that I love my home, my country, and the people in my life who love me back. The best part about being home is really getting to spend time with people I care about. The worst is that they have day jobs. With successful visits to Denver and Seattle plus trips to the Oregon Coast and Colombia River Gorge I am managing just fine. After a lot of paperwork and anxiety I am finally on the verge of holding a Korean Visa which comes with a booked flight, paid for apartment, great job, and what might just prove to be some serious fun. This contract is for 17 months and will run through February 2014. I am already planning trips (of course) to China, Japan, and any place else I can hop a cheap flight to for the weekend. Breaks are great and all but a 3.5 month vacation was not originally on the agenda and all that hindsight crap doesn't matter when you are over halfway through and realize it's too late to get a job, phone, or prevent being completely broke. C'est La Vie. We adapt. Regardless of the continent, time period, or point in our lives transitions are confusing. For me it's a balance of appreciation and anticipation. The excitement of being just on the verge of so much change, balanced with sleeping in a trailer, and waiting for people to get off work.